Will Work for Ed/Script
show opens with a shot of the candy store. We see that it is having a three-for-one sale on jawbreakers. Outside the plate-glass window, the Eds stare in unhappily. Eddy: "This stinks." Ed: "Aaaaw!" mouth is pressed to the glass, the perfect expression of longing. Eddy: "A jawbreaker sale and we're flat broke! Wiped out! In the red!" Ed: "Ouch." store's bell rings and out walks Kevin, carrying three jawbreakers. Eddy: "Oh, uh, hiya, Kev." points to the sky. "HOLY COW! Is that Nazz skydiving in a bikini?" Kevin: up "No way! Where?" ducks down, and the sound of zippers is heard. "Yeah right. I'm on to ya, dork." Eddy: Kevin's pants "Boy, I guess I just need glasses or something." walks away, wearing Eddy's pants. "He didn't even know what hit him." raises the jawbreaker to his mouth. "What a chump. What a–" appears behind Eddy and hits him with a jawbreaker, knocking Eddy skyward. The stolen pants and jawbreaker fall to Kevin. Kevin: "Oops. Pardon my reach." sails above the store and lands on a road. He skids to a stop between a sewer and a lamppost. Rolf: "Ah, may I borrow your rump?" drops some papers on it and nails one to the lamppost. "Yes, thank you." Eddy: dazed "Hiya, Rolfy boy. Got any loose change?" Rolf: "Not in this life, Ed-boy." walks away, leaving one of the sheets on Eddy's butt. Edd: "I found Eddy, Ed." Ed: Eddy "Why is Eddy wearing a diaper, Double D?" Edd: "Well Ed, a diaper would be worthy of Eddy's character. But this posterior posting is a job placement. Seems Rolf's looking for a hired hand." Ed: "Rolf lost his hand? Boy, that is sad, Double D." Edd: "No, Ed. Rolf needs to hire someone. With pay." Eddy: interested "Pay?" Ed: "Maybe if Rolf wore a glove no one would notice." Eddy: up "Money?" runs after Rolf. ---- is about to put up another poster when Eddy rushes over. Eddy: "Reporting for duty and ready for work, Rolf! So uh, what kinda income we talking about?" Rolf: "Poppycock! Rolf requires one with the backbone of a yak! This is no job for a jellyfish like yourself!" Eddy: "Yeah right! I don't work, but he does." turns Rolf's head towards Ed, who puts his shoes on his ears. Ed: "Polly wanna cracker! Arf, arf, arf! Tweet tweet tweet!" Eddy: "Your new employee, Rolf. So, what's the job pay?" Rolf: Eddy away "Rolf must interview this job-seeker!" Ed: "Arf arf–" inspects his gums. Rolf then moves on to Ed's feet, which he tests with apples. Rolf: "Two in five seeds. Very good, yes?" Eddy: "Very good, yes!" Rolf: "You may work for Rolf, lacking a lower jaw Ed-boy." Edd: "Congratulations, Ed!" Rolf: "Have him report to Rolf in one hour." laughs giddily. Edd pats Ed's head and joins in. Soon, Ed begins to laugh happily as well. ---- is fixing Ed breakfast. Eddy paces hungrily. Eddy: "Jawbreaker sale, here we come." Edd: "Nothing like a bowl of organically harvested oatmeal to start your day, Ed." places a bowl in front of Ed. Ed tries it as Edd lectures. "Think of it! Responsibility. That's a sign of growing up, you know. A key to enter our social structure." tastes something he doesn't like. "A tip of the hat. No, a flag waved to the world proclaiming, look at me, citizens! My name is Ed, working man! I like that. Why, if it wasn't for the working class, we'd still be living in caves!" subtly throws the rest of the oatmeal away. "Now, I've taken the liberty to pack you a lunch. But no more than an hour, understand?" takes the lunchbox. "Punctuality shows you're a real go-getter. Be courteous, and tackle each task to the best of your ability. Watch your posture, and use soap when you wash your hands." leaves. Eddy: "Hey, and find out how much you're making, willya?" Ed: "Bye dear!" Edd: "He's on his own now, Eddy. Ready to carve his niche in this dog-eat-dog world we call home." walks to a car parked in the driveway and gets in. He starts the engine, and Eddy laughs. Edd is scared. Edd: "Ed, no, you're too young to drive!" runs towards Ed. ---- walks up to Rolf's door. Just before he reaches it, he trips. Instead of getting up, Ed lies on the pavement. Ed: "Ding dong." is heard bleating. "Ding dong." bleats again. "Ding dong." opens the door. "I brought my lunch, boss." Rolf: "You are here to fill the position of nincompoop, yes? No?" Ed: "That's me." Rolf: "Then why do you not use the Nincompoop Entrance?" points to a hole in the fence. Ed: through the fence "Okey-dokey!" Rolf: the backyard "Greetings, nincompoop! Welcome to Rolf's." stares at Ed quizzically. "No need for this." tears off Ed's tie. "Or this." ruffles Ed's combed hair. Edd and Eddy observe this from the fence, Eddy laughing at this. "Oh and this must go. Say bye-bye to this. And let us add a little color." throws some mud on Ed's undershirt and gives him some work boots. "The safety apparatus shall be deducted from your pay." Eddy: outraged "Deducted?" Rolf: "Yes, deducted! Are you going to cry, nincompoop?" Ed: "No way, they're cool." Rolf: "Good. Follow Rolf." struggles to put on his shoes. When he does get them on, he starts walking backwards. It seems that Ed has put his boots on backwards. Edd leans out of a tree in which he and Eddy are hiding and turns Ed around. Eddy then hops down. Eddy: "What a cheapskate! He ain't deducting nothing." goes to talk to Rolf. Edd: "Eddy, let Ed learn from his mistakes." Eddy: "Forget it! Rolf's trying to rip me off. I want my money!" runs off. Edd ties himself to a tree as part of a scheme he's just hatched. ---- and Ed are in the shed. Rolf: "Behold the potato! Bow to this fruit of the earth, then peel it! As if it were the last task of your miserable life!" tries to peel it using his thumbs and gets nowhere. Rolf slaps him silly. Rolf: "Nincompoop! Must I hold your hand?" Ed: "Nope. Went before we got here, boss." Rolf: "The proper tool must be used to peel the honorable spud, nincompoop." takes a potato peeler from a box of tools. "A rental fee shall be deducted from your pay." Eddy: back by Edd "What?" Edd: "Oh dear." rope snaps back, sending Eddy sailing into the tree and Edd against it. ---- peeler lands next to Ed. Ed tries to peel the potato, but cannot get a grip. Rolf watches Ed's every move. Rolf: "TODAY, nincompoop, TODAY!" manages to get a small peeling off of the potato. Ed: "Not bad, huh boss?" picks up the potato skin and looks at it. Rolf: irate "Nincompoop! The waste from this peel could feed an entire village for a week!" flicks it at Ed. "Pay deduction." Eddy: offscreen "WHAT?!?" hearing this, looks outside. Seeing nobody, he steps back into the shed. Rolf: "Peel every potato, nincompoop, before Rolf returns, or, you're fired!" slams the shed door. Ed: "I'm on it, boss!" sets to work. door creaks open, and Edd and Eddy enter. Eddy: "Ed, get paid yet?" Edd: "Eddy, we're interrupting Ed's work!" Ed: "Hiya, kids! Say, you guys catch that show last night about the world's biggest toenails guy? Now that's the life, huh?" Eddy: "Hey Lumpy, you got enough potatoes there to feed a–" Ed: "Village? Got that right. Peel every one before boss gets back or I get fired." Eddy: alarmed "Fired? Double D, we have to help Ed finish peeling those potatoes. 'Fore that slave-driver shows up." Edd: "Well uh, I'd hate to see Ed's resume blemished by a dismissal." fishes a hairpin from his hat and winds it into an L. Edd places it around his finger, takes a potato, and peels off the skin. "Voilà. Neat, trim, and ready for the compost heap." Eddy: "That's real pretty, Double D, but we only got ten zillion more to peel!" Ed: "Fruit of the Earth!" Eddy: "Come on!" grabs Edd's hand. "What's with this thing? A hairpin?" Ed: a potato "Yep. Seen better heads on a potato, Double D." Edd: "Oh, really?" ---- opens the shed door and enters. Rolf: "The time of reckoning has come, nin...com...poop?" stops. In front of him is a contraption which washes, peels, and slices the potatoes, turning them into french fries ready for the fryer. Ed: "Just four more, boss!" adds three potatoes. Edd: "Do you like it, Rolf? I think it's crackerjack, if I do say so myself." Rolf: angry "Have you stripped the thread of a screw? No visitors! Pay deduction for you!" Eddy: a tennis racket to slice the potatoes "Hey, will you quit doing that? Check out what a great job we did. Julienned and ready to fry." Rolf: "THIS CANNOT BE! The spud has been shamed." Ed: "Yo, boss! Am I a nincompoop or what?" Rolf: up a fry "I deduct this from your pay!" Eddy: "You can't do that!" Rolf: "Rolf is boss. Rolf makes the rules. Nincompoop, present yourself!" Eddy: Ed "Ed, stop! You stay right here." Rolf: Ed away "Nincompoop, obey Rolf." Eddy: Ed back "Who you gonna listen to, Ed?" Rolf: "He will listen to Rolf, or no pay for nincompoop!" steamed, lets Rolf carry Ed out of the shed. Ed: "Tell me a story, boss." ---- is marching in front of Rolf's house. He has formed a one-man picket line. Apparently Ed is on strike. Eddy: chanting "Rolf's a jerk. Ain't gonna work. Rolf's a jerk. Ain't gonna work. Rolf's a jerk." Jonny: "We hate broccoli!" stares at Jonny quizzically, then resumes his picketing. Eddy: "Ain't gonna work!" Edd: "This is so embarrassing." Kevin: "I'm gonna ask Rolf what's up." tries to cross the picket line and is tackled by Eddy. Eddy: "Hey! You can't cross the picket line!" rolls him over. Kevin: "Says who?" Nazz: "Kevin!" Kevin: "Nazz?" gets off Eddy. Nazz: "According to the Workers' Rights Act, Subsection E, Paraphrase IV, Eddy is entitled to express formal protest as to wherefore must be totally respected." Kevin, and Eddy stare at her, stunned. "Babysitters gotta know this stuff." walks away. Kevin: "Dorks." leaves. Edd: "Really, Eddy. Labor disputes like yours and Rolf's require a mediator. A referee, if you will." Eddy: Edd to the house "Go blow your whistle, Mr. Referee! I got a nuisance to make outta myself." Edd: "He's so stubborn." goes to knock on the door. Rolf opens the door right as he's about to knock, and Edd barely avoids punching Rolf in the face. Edd: "Oh, hello, Rolf!" Eddy: "Rolf's a jerk! Ain't–" enters. "Rolf's letting him in!" sneaks over to the window. Inside, it seems as if the dispute is not going well. Although Eddy cannot make out any words, it is obvious that Rolf is angry. Edd will say something calmly. Rolf's response will be angry. Edd will then reply in a calm tone. Rolf will, again, be angry. Eddy presses his ear to the glass. Edd: "As I was saying–" Rolf: "Did you catch my drift?" Edd: "You see my point." Rolf: "Vey sheshor!" Ed: "Eggs eggs eggs eggs." three exit the house. Rolf: "Rolf agrees. This agreement is very agreeable, yes? No hard feelings, eh, nincompoop?" gives Ed a jawbreaker. Rolf: "And one for you, head-in-sock Ed-boy." gets one as well. Edd: "Why thank you, but I can't. Why, I'd feel much better if I had earned it." Rolf: "The more the merrier!" runs up and knocks his friends away. Eddy: "Stretch! Forget me?" Rolf: sighing "You want, yes?" Eddy: "I'd do anything for it, Rolf." ---- carrying a goat, walks up to Ed, who is now in a managerial position. Rolf: "Tell me the progress of the laborers, turkey eyes." Ed: "Well, yep. Let's see here, boss." looks at his clipboard. "This guy I got no problems with." points to Edd, who turns and salutes. Edd has finished cleaning a chicken coop, and the coop sparkles. Edd: "Double D, waiting for orders, turkey eyes, sir." Ed: "But then there's the sad sack, boss." points to Eddy, who hasn't even started on his coop. "A real slowpoke. Trouble with a capital R." kicks the coop and a hen flies out. It starts to chase him. Eddy: "Help! I hate chickens!" Rolf and Ed: "Hey, nincompoop!" smile at each other. Rolf: "You've learned well, turkey eyes." walks away. Eddy: "Stop the chicken, Ed!" Ed: "Nincompoop! I'm deducting your pay 'cause you're a nincompoop! Pretty good, huh Double D?" Category:Season 3 Category:Season 3 Scripts